Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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