Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
