At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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