If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm like, not good at living.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
