Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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