did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
