He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
