Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
