people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
