I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
