I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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