im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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