someone get that fucking seahorse.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Alive.
So much puke
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
