Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
