smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
