he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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