just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
