Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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