feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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