Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
