I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
