Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
