Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Damn victory sex feels great
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
