She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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