After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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