There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
