I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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