After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
