You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
