we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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