respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
