Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
