Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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