Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
