Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
