my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
