Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
