i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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