Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
