Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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