I am midnight drunk by noon
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
