so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
