you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Randomize
