awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
