tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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