The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
