you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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