nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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