the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Help me help you realize you are a moron
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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