i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
