i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
