Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
