I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
