Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
